By Cracker Pot
Hello everybody on Mr. Spencer, my name is Salad Fingers and I’m here to enquire whether any of you out there would like to become my friend. I like having friends, they make me feel very happy and sometimes my friends like to watch me play around my rusty spoons until the red water comes………I really like it when the red water comes out…..it’s so orgasmic. And even sometimes my friends like to play in it as well. I always think that it’s splendid when we all come out red from the water…..don’t you? Please allow me to introduce the rest of the chaps that stay in my home.

My first friend is Hubert Cumberdale. He likes to come to my house all the time….. and when he does I try to taste him, but every time I do he still tastes the same like soot and poo. I really don’t like the taste of soot and poo it makes my eye’s cry and I don’t like that very much at all. Then my other friend is Marjorie Stewart – Baxter. She’s a wonderful lady who lives next door to me and I really like her a lot especially when I taste her, she tastes just like sunshine dust and that makes me very happy indeed. In fact do you taste your friends? I would really like to know and maybe I could taste them too one day. And lastly I would like you all to meet my other friend Jeremy Fisher he’s just arrived back from the Great War outside. He say’s that he had a jolly good time out there, but wanted to come home early so he could have some of the fish I’ve made in the oven. I live in house number 22 in a place called Desolate, it’s very pretty and I can show you if you want? I love collecting rusty spoons, their favourite big ones and small ones and I can sit all day just feeling them. Oooohh the feeling of a rusty spoon against my salad fingers it’s just soooooo orgasmic, there’s just no other feeling then the feeling of a rusty spoon.

See the picture of me with my rusty spoon....

I don’t have a really big family where I live but they are all here, maybe you might know a few of my brothers. Some of them were taken on a holiday but I couldn’t go. So I just talk to them through a glass window for a very short time until a lady interrupts us and brings her friends forward. You should all know my brothers Jeffery D and Robert B they’re on a very special holiday that ends in the far future. My brother Jeff used to have lots of sleep overs with all his friends in his room and they also rather enjoyed swimming in the red water just as much as I do.

I never really enjoyed playing with some of them because they all smelt very funny and I told Jeff that I would refuse to play with them until they all had a good clean bath. My other brother Robert liked to bring back school girls for sleep overs, in fact most of them decided to move in with us and have never left, but funny enough they also like to play in the red water just like me. But, like I said to Jeff, I refuse to play with their friends until they all have a bath and start smelling prim and proper the way ladies should.

I like to take video clips of all my friends and the things we like to get up to here in Desolate. My friend Marjorie Stewart – Baxter has taken them all and put them onto the internet for all of you to sit and watch so you can get to know us all a little better and know what we like to eat and drink. Have a look at all my video clips here:

Episode 1: http://www.fat-pie.com/salad.htm
Episode 2: http://www.fat-pie.com/salad2.htm
Episode 3: http://www.fat-pie.com/salad3.htm
Episode 4: http://www.fat-pie.com/salad4.htm
Episode 5: http://www.fat-pie.com/salad5.htm
Episode 6: http://www.fat-pie.com/salad6.htm
Episode 7: http://www.fat-pie.com/salad7.htm
Episode 8: http://www.fat-pie.com/salad8.htm

I also rather enjoy playing the flute, I’m very exceptional at it, it makes me think of happy times gone by with all my friends. And I really think it would fantastic and a pleasure to play for you if you don’t mind, I’m really very good at it. I practise everyday with every opportunity I get and when I’m alone I also enjoy sitting down with nettles and rubbing them against my skin especially my chest until the milk in my teat flows out.

There’s a little boy who lives not so far away from where I live and I’m rather petrified of him. He sits and stares at me all day and doesn’t say a word, and that bothers me rather profusely. So I do whatever I can in order to avoid him, he’s just very strange and peculiar in a very strange sort of way.

Please be my friends so we can play together and collect lots of grubby old taps to play with including rusty spoons, I really like rusty spoons and rusty nails as well. And if you respond soon I’ll give you one of my friendship spoons for your collection. And I’m sure you have a collection of your own at home. Hope to see you soon take care and farewell.