But we all need days off work when we are not actually sick from time to time, especially now that the mornings are so cold. Here is the best way to fake being sick with such weird diseases no one would believe you could make the shit up.

If you work in a noisy office, call your boss and tell him that you have a serious case of Jumping Frenchmen of Maine. While this may sound like a sexual game, it is actually an over reaction to loud noises or starts. Tell your boss you are willing to come to work, but considering that every time a phone rings or an sms alert sounds, you are likely to jump with flailing limbs and an extended twitching. If you work front-of-house this is bound to get a few days off to spend watching dvds and eating popcorn in bed.

If jumping and twitching is expected at your place of work, the next disease to claim is Exploding Head Syndrome . You may actually feel like this is likely if you had a killer weekend and maybe able to fake it quite well. In this disease the voices that live in everyone's head turn into loud exploding noises in yours. Feeling as though you can heard, rather than just feel, your head exploding must be worth at least a day or two at home.

Work in an open plan office. Threaten to come to work even though you have been laid low with a serious bout of Trimethylaminuria and chances are your boss will be begging you to stay at home. This rare metabolic disorder will have you exuding a very fishy smell. Not welcome in too many offices even with aircon.

If you are still struggling to convince your boss you need to not be at work, you could always resort to Alien Hand Syndrome. While this may not make you unable to work, your wandering hand, over which you have no control, may make others struggle to concentrate. Especially if your alien hand happens to be horny and curious!

Finally – if your boss will take no excuse short of death to allow you to not be at work, claim Cotards Syndrome. Sufferers of this syndrome believe that they are dead. While some Monday may have you wishing you were dead, if you are phoning work with an excuse, chances are you are not. Threaten to come to work in a shroud, driving a hearse and smelling of formaldehyde. If you boss still wants you to be there – it is time for a new job!

Read all about these and other weird diseases here:
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